I'm writing this entry specially to one and only Joshua Ronald Rokam. Well, I have this sudden urge to let it out on what i felt for a very long time being with him. This love (or you can call it relationship) that I'm currently going through with Josh it's really special to me, to us. It's very very different from the previous love that I had before him that I don't want it to be mentioned here. I can feel his love for me so strong. I could imagine myself flying up high just by thinking about him and filling all his love in me.


Well, even though it may seems like it's a really great love that we're having but no doubt that we had arguments, misunderstanding and jealousy moments just like any other relationships. We've only been together for 5 months 3 weeks and 5 days but it feels like we've been together for a really long time, like forever.
"It's because we love each other really much and we don't see or think how long we've been together. We're happy together and the love is just there", said Joshua. (he didn't really exactly say what i just said, but that's what he meant though)



I want to take this opportunity to apologize on whatever things that I've done to you that made you feel like I'm a big bad wolf, or I'm a heartless person. I just want to sincerely apologize to you from the bottom of my heart. I know, like I said to you before, saying sorry is not a big deal. But, I'm typing in my blog, it's all about words. So apologizing is the only thing I can do here.
I know I've been really mean to you lately and I swear it's because the anger in me arise (Oh, English paper two came out this topic :D)
But I didn't mean to be so cruel to you. I really didn't mean to.


I think my life would suck without you. You guided me all this while, when I made mistakes, you corrected me. Sometimes I dislike you correcting me and all. Maybe it's just because I think I'm right and why the heck are you correcting me 'cause I think I'm doing the right thing - talking about selfish ego. But come to think of it, I'm really stubborn and you are right. You corrected me to be a good person. A better me. Not a stubborn me.


I'm sorry for letting out all the anger, never ending complaints, talking like a krap and all those unpleasant stuffs I did to you. But all this while, you were there for me, to listen to all my krappy talks and complaints. You never leave. Even how bad I've treated you, how shitty I can be to you, you never leave me alone crying in the dark with stuffing myself with Chipsmore.
You are always there to give me a hand in everything that I'm facing through, lending me your shoulder to cry on and most of all, protecting me whenever I'm in danger or I feel lost.


You are truly the "Only One" that I'm looking for all this while.
You prayed for me, you took me by the hand when I feel down, You talk over things on the phone with me until midnight when we're having a small fight, You tried becoming gay-ish and do lots of silly things just to make me laugh when I'm pms-ing and You love me and I love you too.


I've never trust anyone as much as I trust you. It's really rare. But I'm not saying that I don't trust any of my besties. I do. But Joshua, a guy, my love, I've never had this feeling of great trust in any guys before. 'Cept for you.
I'm really glad that I've found you. You really are so great to me.


But still, I cannot gurrantee that you would be the future love for me as you also cannot gurrantee that I'm gonna be your future love too.
It's God to decide.
But as for now, I know that I will appreciate you and cherish each and every moment that we spent together and kindly respond to you.
Pray for me.

"I know now You're my Only One"